Week 26
People like to celebrate and party it up. Your 6-month-iversary!!! Time to celebrate! Well, at least acknowledge it. Maybe go out to dinner or something. Give her a little card or gift if you feel so inclined.
Be happy about your first half year as husband and wife. Sure, it is like the first step in a later reflection of a long marriage...but in the present it represents 100% of your marriage. Be thankful together for all that has happened.
After 6 months of marriage, Whitney and I had a LOT of learning to do...hey we still do. But we have come a long way from that point. Kids obviously impact that. But there is more to it than just them.
Anniversaries are an easy way to stop and reflect. Think about what you have learned during this time. Learn from your mistakes by "failing forward." Continue to do the things that worked. Celebrate mini victories. Be thankful for more opportunities to be a part of one of God's greatest gifts to us: holy matrimony.
It is easy to fall in love
It takes work to plan a wedding
It takes a lifetime to build a marriage
Week 25
The headline of this entry sounds strange, right? It all comes down to the definition of the word, agreements. In the book Love & War (book I have referenced earlier), there is a very thought provoking part in there about agreements. These "agreements" described in the book refer to the temptation to proclaim a destructive truth. The authors get into the very deep and spiritual aspect of this. They call these agreements "subtle, but momentous shift where we believe the spin, go with the feeling, and we accept the reality that the deception is spinning." Sin, temptation, Satan, our own desires, etc. are all a part of this.
I definitely struggle with making agreements about others, myself, and my marriage:
"Whitney will never change about ________."
"This house will always be a mess."
"Whitney must be deliberately doing this!"
"That student of mine is an #$%$#. Always will be."
Whether it is about Whitney, myself, my job, kids, etc. - all of these agreements are destructive. If I find fellow negative people to confirm these agreements, that will make things even worse. There is no faster way for a marriage to fall apart than for someone to find a "friend" who will "agree" with agreements that have been made. Don't ever fall into that temptation.
Do your best to refuse the temptation to make agreements. These are lies. This does not come from love. Always remember - your spouse is NOT your enemy. Selfishness, anger, pride, etc. - these are your enemy.
When you catch yourself making agreements, pray about it. Confess it. Maybe even to Lindsy if you think it won't do more damage than it is worth. But most of all, fight these agreements with thankfulness.
It is easy to fall in love
It takes work to plan a wedding
It takes a lifetime to build a marriage
Week 24
This week we had a young man named Alex Sheen visit our school to speak at an assembly. He is the lead of a non-profit called "Because I Said I Would." Sheen's story is that he lost his dad a few years ago to cancer. He wanted to honor his dad and his ability to be a loyal, promise keeper. Sheen has inspired hundreds of thousands of people to make and keep promises. Sheen's movement sends out these cards to anyone who wants them. The idea is that you write a promise on a card, possibly give this card to someone you are making the promise to (or someone who can hold you accountable), and then the card would get returned to you after you fulfilled your promise.
Promises are an important part of marriage. The vows are an integral part of the marriage ceremony. Making a promise is pretty easy. Fulfilling that promise is what counts. Many people make promises for all kinds of reasons. Broken promises are too much a part of our society. Look no further than divorce rate.
Small promises and big promises are a regular part of life. Promises to employers, friends, family, etc. Our promises to our spouse are the most important on earth. Keeping your word will go a long way. When you want to show your love to Lindsy, think very carefully before you promise her something. Make these promises count.
If you have 17 minutes, watch this TED talk of Alex Sheen and Because I Said I Would. It will bring some inspiration about loyalty, character, and keeping promises in your marriage and in all areas of your life.
It is easy to fall in love
It takes work to plan a wedding
It takes a lifetime to build a marriage
Week 23
It might be just a team of two, but it is essential for a husband and wife to be a team in all areas. Just like a two-person team in volleyball needs to know their role, be in sync, and constantly get their partner's back - a husband needs to do the same thing for his wife.
This is especially true as the two work together as parents. Making decisions together. Communicating values. Talking about how to best raise the children. She needs to know you have her back just as much as you need her your complete respect and support. Whitney and I just spent some time this evening talking about different strategies about raising our kids. She went to a mom's group today and she took notes on some things she learned. In order to be more successful parents, our team requires using the same rules and playbook.
Aside from being a team as parents, there are plenty of other opportunities to be a team: Keeping up with the home. Taking care of pets (glad I don't have any of those). Being on the same page in regards to finances. Team trumps the individual. We know that this whole marriage thing requires a lot of cooperation and teamwork. Don't forget it.
It is easy to fall in love
It takes work to plan a wedding
It takes a lifetime to build a marriage
Week 22
Last year, Whitney and I participated in a very cool marriage group. We read and studied the book Love and War. I referenced this book in an earlier entry. One powerful (yet seemingly obvious) statement in the book is "your spouse is not your enemy." Seems simple enough, right?
But how many times do we start to believe and act like they are the enemy? It starts with a difference of opinion. That slips into a disagreement. Which turns into a fight. Which can lead to all kinds of problems in all areas of your marriage. In the heat of the moment, we can be tempted to believe that our spouse is trying to make our life miserable. They are really trying to be our enemy. Removed from a heated situation, we know that can't be true. But that simple idea can be a powerful phrase to repeat to yourself when things are going badly. She is not my enemy.
The other day I was dealing with a lot of built up frustration with Whitney. I was not happy with some of the things she was doing or not doing. It was driving me nuts. That built up frustration led to a bitterness that I really didn't like. But we talked about it in bed that night and I was able to let go of that bitterness. Whitney reminded me of the phrase we gained from that book: Your spouse is not your enemy. It helped to be reminded of that. And it is so true. Remember those words when you are having "a moment."
It is easy to fall in love
It takes work to plan a wedding
It takes a lifetime to build a marriage
