Expectations

Week 28

It is very typical to have expectations heading into a marriage.  We have an idea in our minds of how our spouse will act, what they will do for us, what we will do for them, what the roles will be, etc. Expectations are normal - but they can lead to holding your spouse or marriage to an unfair standard.

When our spouse doesn't meet those expectations, frustration sets in. Those frustrations lead to bitterness and making "agreements." 

One of the worst things that happens with expectations is when they aren't shared or communicated. When a husband has certain expectations for the wife to uphold (and he doesn't tell her what those are) how could she possibly meet those? And the same is true if the wife doesn't communicate to her husband. 

I think it is healthy to talk to each other about expectations. Together, you can discuss whether an expectation is reasonable. If we desire to please our spouse, meeting some of their expectations is a great way to show your love. But trying to meet all of their expectations is unreasonable and unhealthy. Find a balance that works for both of you. 

It is easy to fall in love

It takes work to plan a wedding

It takes a lifetime to build a marriage

A Shared Adventure

Week 27

One of the important parts of marriage that is in the book Love & War is a chapter called "A Shared Adventure." The concept of being on adventure together is really easy for some couples that are already adventurous individuals, but very foreign for most couples. 

When you think of adventure, each person could come up with their own list as to what that looks like. It might be mountain climbing, vacationing, a shared purpose, taking a class together, working out together, a hobby that binds you, etc. 

This is a challenge for Whitney and I. Early in our relationship, one of our "shared adventures" was getting to play tennis together. It might not fit into every one else's idea of an "adventure," but it worked for us. Right before we got engaged, Whitney and I went together on a mission trip to Guatemala. That was certainly a shared adventure that we will never forget. The most recent shared adventure is our journey in church planting in Chesterland. 

Some adventures are purely fun. Some are hard work. Others are mission-based as we focus on our faith. 

It gets harder to do this once distractions (career, kids, personal interests) get in the way. Try to make it a priority of your marriage to find some kind of adventure you can do together. This ties into the idea that "we're in this together." That is an important part of marriage. The adventure itself and the memories you make along the journey will build your marriage into a stronger one. Don't lose a sense of adventure. And don't forget to walk on some adventures together. 

It is easy to fall in love

It takes work to plan a wedding

It takes a lifetime to build a marriage