Week 6
"In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry"
- Ephesians 4:26
It's not always easy, but it is always beneficial. Make sure you try to follow this advice. It is important for us as individuals not to carry anger with us. But it is extra important not to harbor anger toward your spouse. The bitterness and anger need to be taken care of before you go to bed.
Keeping short accounts, not holding grudges, asking for forgiveness, forgiving your partner, etc. are all great practices for a successful marriage.
Whitney has a horrible memory. Mine is way too good. For her, it works out great because she is quick to forgive and quick to forget. For me, it is a little harder. I remember everything. It takes a lot of effort for me to let it go. But I know that it is important, so I push through my own stubbornness to address the issues of my heart.
It can be tempting to go to bed angry as we think our disappointment and frustration with our partner gives us some kind of power over them. But anger is hurting ourselves more than it hurts our partner. Holding onto that anger through the night makes it easier to be anger the next day. And the next day after that.
Make it a regular habit to keep short accounts. You need to be intentional about regularly dealing with any kind of anger with your wife. Use the words "please forgive me" and "I forgive you." Don't just say "it's alright"...because usually you wouldn't say whatever happened was just "alright."
Make a vow (if you haven't already) to never go to bed angry with each other. Your marriage will certainly benefit from that.
It is easy to fall in love
It takes work to plan a wedding
It takes a lifetime to build a marriage
Week 5
"And so the greatest gift you can give to your marriage is for you to develop a real relationship with Jesus Christ."
- John Elderidge, Love and War
That John Elderidge quote is one of many things that I really enjoyed from a book that he and his wife wrote called Love and War. It was a really great book about marriage. Whitney and I did a marriage group where a group of couples read and discussed the book together. Lots of great takeaways for all of us during that time.
I will use that book multiple times throughout the year to share some interesting tidbits about what I learned from it. There is a chapter in the book called The Greatest Gift. And as you can see from the top, the greatest gift the authors believe you can give to your marriage is a loving relationship with Christ.
Great marriages have existed even without faith. On the other end, there are Christian couples that end in complete failure. But from my experiences, I completely support the quote at the top. As my relationship with and understanding of Jesus has increased - I become a better man in many areas. As a teacher, coach, son, father...and especially as a husband.
Give your wife this gift and it will strengthen your marriage. It will help increase the chances to not only last, but to have a rich marriage. A growing relationship with Christ will show you how to better love, offer grace, ask for forgiveness, pray for each other, serve one another, and serve others. These are all things that will make a marriage into a fortress of solid ground.
In my opinion, one effective way to strengthen your faith as individuals and as a couple is to experience a Koiononia weekend retreat. Every fall and spring they have them. Whitney and I would love to sponsor you and Lindsy on Koinonia when you are ready. When you go through it at the right time, it is a great way to strengthen your relationship with God and build your character to be more like Jesus. Just a little something to put in the back of your mind...
It is easy to fall in love
It takes work to plan a wedding
It takes a lifetime to build a marriage
Week 4
One of my favorite things I have heard from others over the years is the myth of 50/50. It could be understood that a marriage partnership means that one gives 50% and the other gives 50%. Together, that makes a great marriage...right? Well, not exactly.
In a business relationship, two people cutting the work in half and focusing on part of the job is a recipe for success. But this concept would fail a marriage. If each person only gives part of themselves to the other and to their marriage, what happens to the rest? That ¨other 50%¨ is being used and invested in things other than your spouse. That is not a way to carry out a marriage successfully.
This isn't suggesting that both parties need to both be involved in everything. There is room for sharing and/or splitting responsibilities (cooking, finances, cleaning, organizing, planning, etc.). But ultimately, both people need to give all of themselves to their spouse. A great marriage will see both partners giving 100% of themselves.
Here are a couple quotes from an article I read:
Alvin, married 63 years, said, “Don’t consider a marriage a 50/50 affair! Consider it a 100 percent affair. The only way you can make a marriage work is to have both parties give a hundred percent every time.”
And Kay, married 54 years, said, “… anybody that goes into marriage saying, ‘Oh, this is going to be 50/50,’ it doesn’t happen. You can’t live in the same house with the same person all those years and always divide it down the half.”
When both people put 100% of themselves into their marriage, all kinds of harmful things should eventually minimize or even disappear: control, jealousy, bitterness, selfishness, ¨keeping score,¨ and a lot more marriage killers. Give all of yourself to your bride. Every day. It is worth the investment.
It is easy to fall in love
It takes work to plan a wedding
It takes a lifetime to build a marriage
Week 3
"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."
-Ecclesiastes 4:12
Friday/Saturday begins your third week of marriage. Crazy, huh? Three is a number with all kinds of importance. Three strikes, you're out. Three's Company. Three-pointers. Third time's a charm. And the list goes on.
The Bible is filled with all kinds of instances of the number three. But I won't go through a biblical study of a number. Something more relevant is the concept that you aren't alone in marriage...or at least you shouldn't be.
It got a little screwed up, but I liked the concept of the sand at your ceremony. His, Hers, and Ours. The idea that your life, Lindsy's life, and everything else (your families, God, your past, etc.) are all combined in the process of marriage.
The Ecclesiastes verse is a simple, yet important spiritual truth that is similar to the sand. It relates to marriage and is often used in marriage ceremonies. Christy and Matt used it at their ceremony. When two people come together in marriage and invite God into their relationship, the chances of having a lasting and healthy marriage increases. Love, kindness, respect, forgiveness, selflessness, reconciliation, etc. are all gifts from the Holy Spirit. Without those things, a couple is relying only on their human self to grow a marriage. And there isn't a great success rate for two people, all on their own, making this marriage thing last.
This invitation to God into the marriage is a decision that is made on a daily basis. I know I have to do that often. When I don't, my own sinful habits get in the way of what marriage is supposed to look like.
When sin kicks in, people don't view their spouse as a son/daughter of God. They stop thinking of their marriage as a sacrament. They forget about their vows and promises. And they neglect the idea that marriage is strongest as a group of three.
It is easy to fall in love
It takes work to plan a wedding
It takes a lifetime to build a marriage
