One year...

Week 47

One year goes by, and many things have happened. We learn a lot after one year in marriage. One thing we learn is that we are still learning about our spouse. And we definitely have a lot to learn about marriage after the first year.

After one year, Whitney and I were adjusting to changes in jobs/school, adjusting financially, starting a family, and still trying to make room to keep our relationship a priority.  

In honor of one year together, here are some common things that come to mind when I think of hopes and dreams a couple would have for their future. 

One year...the honeymoon phase will be over
One year...we will have kids (already on top of that)
One year...we will get our dream house
One year...our lives will finally slow down
One year...our kids will grow up 
One year...we will grow old 
One year...our marriage will be great

Some of those things are only possible with time. Others are possible with hard work, dedication, and love. We can get caught up thinking too much about the future. It is great to plan ahead, but enjoying the moment is special. Enjoy the present!

It is easy to fall in love

It takes work to plan a wedding

It takes a lifetime to build a marriage

Forgiveness

Week 46

"Love means never having to say you're sorry" - that would be a quote from the biggest idiots ever. Show me a married person that believes that and I will show you someone who will not be married very long. 

We all fall short and screw up. When it involves someone else, some level of damage has been done to that relationship. Forgiveness is the only logical path to restoration of that relationship. Saying the words "I'm sorry" or "Can you forgive me" will go a LONG way in marriage. Whitney and I try to never say "It is OK" - because it rarely is OK. Instead, we should look for forgiveness rather than simply writing it off as being OK. 

Jesus taught us that forgiveness is essential to relationship. This is especially true in a marriage. Next time you blow it, don't be too stubborn to say sorry or ask for forgiveness. And on the other end, never hold back forgiveness to Lindsy. She deserves it just as much as you do. 

It is easy to fall in love

It takes work to plan a wedding

It takes a lifetime to build a marriage

Loving your spouse with kids in the house

Week 45

The transition from “married” to “married with children” can be tough. Less sleep. Tighter budget. Busier schedule. As much as you love your children and work hard to nurture and train them for the future, the challenges that come with parenthood can make the “for better or for worse” promise a hard one to honor. - Patrick and Ruth Schwenk

The inspiration for this post comes from an article  titled "How to love your spouse with kids in the house." No, it isn't an article on how to "make love" when kids are in the house (there are probably other articles on that). 

The focus is on building a marriage that is not centered around your kids. It isn't centered around your careers. It isn't centered around you...or her. With God at the center of a marriage, loving your spouse will not be an issue. 

The timing of this (considering you just had a baby) is either really good or really bad. On the one hand, it is good to know early on that your marriage can not become focused on your child/children. But on the other hand, you both are rightfully feeling overjoyed by the beautiful miracle in your arms. And you should feel that way!

But as time goes on, you will learn that if you try to make your marriage child-centered, it won't work out well for anybody. Keep God at the center of your marriage. In doing so, you will be a good husband and a good father. Never let your desire to be a good parent overshadow the desire to be a good husband.

Read the article and you will find some good nuggets!

It is easy to fall in love

It takes work to plan a wedding

It takes a lifetime to build a marriage

Pray for Her

Week 44

I'm not shy, embarrassed, or afraid to pray out loud with or for people. Do I pray as much with my wife as I should? No, not at all. It is just a bad habit of not doing it. 

But when the going gets tough, you can bet that we come together and pray. Those times we come together and pray over a situation is always powerful. It's amazing that I don't take initiative to do it more often.

Some of the best advice I would give to any couple of faith is to remember to take time to pray together. At meal time is nice. Before you go to bed (especially if you had a big fight) is not an easy time, but very rewarding. When one of you or someone you both know/love is in need of healing, come together and pray. When your marriage is on the rocks, what could be better than praying for your spouse and marriage?

Keep God in your marriage though prayer and your marriage will be blessed.

It is easy to fall in love

It takes work to plan a wedding

It takes a lifetime to build a marriage

Independence

Week 43

On Independence Day, here are some thoughts on independence. After nearly a year in marriage, you should have seen an adjustment in the "independence" you have. Bachelors get the glory of independence, right? Late nights out. No accountability. No questions. No problems...right?

The flip side to independence is the idea of being dependent. In a marriage, both people become dependent on one another. This should be in an unhealthy way, but in the way God intended. "It is not good for man to be alone" (Genesis). God knew man needed a companion. Someone to be dependent on. And someone the woman could depend on.

Independence is nice, but is overrated compared to the beauty and sanctity of a life in deep commitment and relationship. Those bachelors that go from date to date never might experience independence, but they miss out on all of the good that comes with marriage. Don't regret losing your independence. You gain dependence: someone you can depend on and someone that can depend on you. 

It is easy to fall in love

It takes work to plan a wedding

It takes a lifetime to build a marriage