In moments like this...

Week 31

The past 10 days or so has been a tough time. Losing a friend that you have known for so long is not easy at all. It drains on you emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. The emotions of grief can cause us to act out in ways we normally wouldn't. For some, it can leave you short-tempered. Stressful situations rarely bring out the best in people. But we can't forget that our spouse is NOT our enemy. 

Along with Brian's funeral, you and Lindsy both have had to deal with several family losses on both sides since you have been together. During these times of grief, this is such an important time for the other person to know you have their back.

When the loss is more on one side, grief is mostly only felt by one person. The person in grief needs to do their best to offer support in whatever way helps them. People deal with grief in all kinds of ways. One person needs to be strong for the other. 

There will come a time when you have a loss that pretty equally affects both of you. For Whitney and I, it was the miscarriage. In times like that, it is hard for one person to be strong. The way we felt after the miscarriage was two broken people just leaning on one another. Thankfully, the support of others makes a huge difference. In times like that, just being together to embrace and cry together is all you can really do. But sometimes, that is all you need.

It is easy to fall in love

It takes work to plan a wedding

It takes a lifetime to build a marriage

Birthdays

Week 30

People like to celebrate (or not celebrate) their birthdays in all kinds of ways. Considering we are right in between you and Lindsy's birthday, now is a good time to write about how birthdays can matter in a marriage.

My birthday comes at a strange time with it being a romantic holiday. I like people recognizing my birthday in some way, but I don't need presents (aside from Chipotle gift cards) or anything. Having a special dinner with family is a nice touch. But what I like for my birthday is not necessarily how Whitney likes celebrating. In her family, birthdays are a BIG deal. So I have to put forth some extra effort to make sure I can help that continue in her life. What I like on my birthday is not the same thing she cares about on hers. 

The best way to celebrate your spouse's birthday is by doing the obvious: making them happy. Don't try to do for them what makes you happy on your birthday. This ties back in to the love languages idea. You are two different people. Does she want a card? A big present? Flowers? Date night? Hanging out with friends/family? A quiet night at home? Whatever it is - make it happen. Make it special. 

It is easy to fall in love

It takes work to plan a wedding

It takes a lifetime to build a marriage

Work and Marriage

Week 29

I love my job. It doesn't mean I love every day of work. In general, I love my career. Contrary to what some might believe, a teacher's job is pretty busy. I find myself doing work at home or staying late in my classroom often during the year. This means time away from other things - including my wife. 

It is important to know that Whitney supports me in my career. It is also important for me to do the same for her when she is ready to work outside the house. Even though I do enjoy what I do, I love time with Whitney much more. But I do have a responsibility to do my job well. That involves a level of sacrifice on both of our parts. I know Whitney has my back. It is important that I have her back too as she someday pursues a career as a birth coach. 

A healthy balance of investing in your career while never letting it jeopardize your marriage is important. If/when a career gets in the way of building a healthier marriage, a change must be made. Nothing related to your job is more important than your spouse. Don't ever let her question where your passion really lies. 

It is easy to fall in love

It takes work to plan a wedding

It takes a lifetime to build a marriage