Pray for Her

Week 44

I'm not shy, embarrassed, or afraid to pray out loud with or for people. Do I pray as much with my wife as I should? No, not at all. It is just a bad habit of not doing it. 

But when the going gets tough, you can bet that we come together and pray. Those times we come together and pray over a situation is always powerful. It's amazing that I don't take initiative to do it more often.

Some of the best advice I would give to any couple of faith is to remember to take time to pray together. At meal time is nice. Before you go to bed (especially if you had a big fight) is not an easy time, but very rewarding. When one of you or someone you both know/love is in need of healing, come together and pray. When your marriage is on the rocks, what could be better than praying for your spouse and marriage?

Keep God in your marriage though prayer and your marriage will be blessed.

It is easy to fall in love

It takes work to plan a wedding

It takes a lifetime to build a marriage

Independence

Week 43

On Independence Day, here are some thoughts on independence. After nearly a year in marriage, you should have seen an adjustment in the "independence" you have. Bachelors get the glory of independence, right? Late nights out. No accountability. No questions. No problems...right?

The flip side to independence is the idea of being dependent. In a marriage, both people become dependent on one another. This should be in an unhealthy way, but in the way God intended. "It is not good for man to be alone" (Genesis). God knew man needed a companion. Someone to be dependent on. And someone the woman could depend on.

Independence is nice, but is overrated compared to the beauty and sanctity of a life in deep commitment and relationship. Those bachelors that go from date to date never might experience independence, but they miss out on all of the good that comes with marriage. Don't regret losing your independence. You gain dependence: someone you can depend on and someone that can depend on you. 

It is easy to fall in love

It takes work to plan a wedding

It takes a lifetime to build a marriage

Wife in Labor

Week 42

I have had the privilege of watching my beautiful wife go through labor and delivery four times. Each time is special and unique. But there is nothing quite like the first time. 

My job was to be as supportive as she allows. In some labor/delivery, I have been very involved. At other times, Whitney has needed her space or she needed someone else instead of me. As someone with "Jack" syndrome (as in LOST Jack), I love the idea that I can save the day and fix everyone - especially those I love. When Whitney needs other people instead of me, it isn't always easy. But deep down, I understand. Of course the doctor/midwife is not someone I am interested in replacing. The best thing a husband can do for a wife in labor is simple: do whatever they want.

The joy of seeing a new life was just as beautiful of a sight as seeing my wife tire and labor through the process. I am so thankful for her dedication, energy, and strength during labor/delivery. Husbands need to let their wives know how thankful they are for the physical sacrifice (blood, sweat, and tears) of the mom-to-be. 

Hold your baby tight, but give your wife plenty of love and attention as well. She will be preoccupied with being a mom, but she will also appreciate your attention to her.

It is easy to fall in love

It takes work to plan a wedding

It takes a lifetime to build a marriage

Wedding Season

Week 41

Since Whitney and I have gotten married, we have attended our fair share of weddings. Along with focusing on the current bride and groom, it is easy to look back on your own wedding and reminisce. 

Sometimes we find ourselves comparing (for better or worse) or even thinking about things we wish we had done differently. Whitney is usually the one thinking about that. But all in all, you can't change your wedding. It is over...for better or worse. The most important thing about a wedding is that it is the springboard for the marriage.

Rather than falling into the trap of celebrating "the day" too much, try to instead focus on celebrating the marriage. Reminisce about your special day but also celebrate where 

It is easy to fall in love

It takes work to plan a wedding

It takes a lifetime to build a marriage

Money

Week 40

Wow, I can't believe I have gotten this far and haven't addressed money. Fights over money and finances are one of, if not THE biggest factor in the war on marriage. How much we make, save, and spend are usually hot button issues.  

When Whitney and I took a financial class together early in our marriage (Financial Peace), it was pretty helpful. It is difficult to follow all of the aspects of the class, but nobody said it would be easy. Our lives have fallen away from those good habits. That probably explains why money often becomes a hot button. Whitney and I have very different personalities as it relates to money. That sets up for the occasional clash.

The best advice I can give in terms of money is to talk often about it - what are your plans for a budget? How to pay off debt? Priority of saving versus spending? If things ever hit the fan, I highly recommend doing a financial class together so you can be on the same page, no matter what your personality is.

As I said, most marriages that fall apart do so because of financial reasons. Try to nip that in the bud before it starts by being on the same page. If you aren't on the same page, do whatever you can to make that happen.

It is easy to fall in love

It takes work to plan a wedding

It takes a lifetime to build a marriage

Pick your battles

Week 39

Marriage isn't always pretty. It is often a battle. Sometimes you are doing battle together and sometimes you are doing battle against one another. Sure, there are (hopefully) plenty of great victories. I know from experience that some of these battles are inevitable. Something that I have learned along the way is that picking your battles is super important to preserving a healthy marriage.

You need to know when something is worth bringing up. The best "defense" is to not be in the battle at all. Avoiding triggers and buttons that stir up unnecessary battles is the key. Certain topics eventually become taboo. There is almost no good way to discuss them. Others can be discussed - but only in the right time and environment. Be smart about that. 

Communication is key. It will do the marriage no good to hold on to bitterness. Being open is good. But picking your battles is very valuable. Some differences might always remain unresolved. But as long as it is the "small stuff," there is no harm in that. 

Before you start your next fight, ask yourself if it is worth it. Choose your battles wisely. And always remember that your spouse is NOT your enemy.  

It is easy to fall in love

It takes work to plan a wedding

It takes a lifetime to build a marriage

Beauty

Week 37

Some women don't like to admit it, but deep down this is true of almost all of them - their perception of how they feel about their outward beauty often defines how they feel about themselves. What a burden our females have. Some of that is pretty natural. A lot of it is culture. 

What can we do about this? As husbands? As fathers? As husbands, it is super difficult to think we can do enough to help change this perception our wives have. What we CAN do is help them to see the areas of beauty that WE see. It won't be enough to say that real beauty is on the inside ("that is just something ugly people say" - Liar, Liar). Your wife needs to know that you know she is beautiful - no matter what season of life she is in. Unfortunately, the opinion of one man (even a husband) isn't good enough to give a woman the kind of confidence we hope she would have. But it certainly helps.

See her beauty in her looks...but in more than just HOW she looks. Beauty in her pregnancy. Beauty in her service. Beauty in her heart. Beauty in her laugh. Beauty in her smile. 

If words of affirmation are her thing, this will go a LONG way. But even if they aren't her number one love language, every woman wants to feel beautiful and desired. In a culture filled with pressure on women, a marriage needs to be a safe place for a woman to feel beautiful and express that beauty to her husband. When she is teased, put down, or she catches you having a head turn toward a younger, thinner, more beautiful woman (even if it a quick look) - that does damage to her soul that is hard to undo. And this will lead her to holding back her beauty from you. That is devastating to a marriage.

It is easy to fall in love

It takes work to plan a wedding

It takes a lifetime to build a marriage