Week 7
"Compromise is for lesser souls."
"Compromise is for the weak."
"Compromise is when both parties are unhappy."
Compromise is such an interesting idea. Above are some of the common searches after you start "Compromise is..." into Google. I'm sure they all have some level of accuracy depending on the situation.
Sometimes compromise can be viewed as a mutually beneficial thing. Wars come to an end. Long contract disputes get settled. A family finally agreeing on a vacation destination.
Compromise isn't always good. It isn't good to compromise on our character or values. Those kinds of compromises leave individuals, couples, and families in disaster of epic proportions.
In marriage, I have found compromise to be useful in all kinds of ways. If only viewed negatively (like some of the quotes above), both parties will be bitter. But when compromise is viewed as a positive thing, it is a healthy part of marriage.
Whitney and I make compromises with each other (knowingly and unknowingly) often. She probably compromises more than I do (shame on me), but over the years I have learned from her. I have learned to let go of my wants and look for ways to make her happy. Compromise isn't going to always be 50% of what you want and 50% of what she wants. That is impossible. Often it will be taking turns giving up 100% of what you want in order to make the other person happy.
Often our compromise involves really mundane things - like agreeing on a movie, ice cream flavor, pizza toppings, or what TV show to watch when the kids are in bed. Other times our discussion leads to a compromise with bigger issues: time management, decisions with the kids, financial decisions, healthy lifestyle choices, and much more.
When one person always gets their way, it is very destructive. Marriage becomes a dictatorship. When both people are always fighting to get their way, a power struggle defines the marriage. Neither of those are characteristics of a long, healthy marriage.
When you compromise, both people should feel like the other is sacrificing for them. Sacrifice and selflessness are key to compromise. And those are also key to a great marriage.
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